Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Microfiction: Chang Ming

...He's alive...

The crowd pulsed through the narrow cacophonous alleys of the county carnival like blood in a vein, pumping in a furious circle, desperate to live in the chilly night. Thin, steel knives of clouds stabbed into the harvest moon as it hung oppressive, bloody, lifeless.

Shadows licked from between the carnie booths like fingers beckoning the locals, closer, closer, play the games and win the prize, guess your weight, win a prize, it's easy to win a prize. Sirens go off and the customers, like so many sheep, gawk in that direction. Their anxiousness is quickly overcome by boredom when they realize it's just a strong-man hammer game. The staccato click-rumble of dispensing skeet-ball machines compete with the rolling thunder of the balls as the players roll them back again, forming an organic white-noise rhythm of the unconscious.

...He's real...

Guns popped at the shooting gallery, and a jaunty, raucous tune filled that corner of the midway as someone hit the target over the piano, and the crude animatronic player, dressed in his red pin-stripe shirt, went through his jerky motions all over again.

A miasma of piquant odors lurked amongst the people like the masque of the red cholesterol death, a mélange of cotton candy, greasy hamburgers, fried Twinkies, hot dogs and cow patties straight from the livestock show.

...He's Chang Ming...

A motorcycle rumbled in dizzying donuts through its spherical cage, and the rider was hunched over the handlebars, wearing a grin that bespoke of the sheer madness that filled his heart. He defied gravity, but he defied the carnies, too, for he alone among them did not seem steeped in blasé boredom.

The yellow and red folk-art busking for Chang Ming had been carefully painted by an artist who had obviously never been to neither Paris nor China. Lines of elephants flanked Chang Ming, and the beast had been adorned in the armor of an ancient Chinese emperor, and it breathed fire onto terrified onlookers.

...The Elephant-Skinned Dog...

The fire-breathing elephant-skinned dog's real name was Patches. He suffered from the worst cases of halitosis and psoriasis that any canine should ever have to endure. He had come to the carnies six months ago, begging for scraps. They had teased the thing, both horrible to regard and smell, before recognizing one of their own and by the second night, Patches had a new home with the carnival. They carnies named him Patches because he still had a few swatches of hair. Last month he'd lost the rest of his hair and they put him on display.

"That dog's right ugly," one of the carnies had said.

Now his nights were a steel cage, with barely enough room in which to turn. People passed him in his dungeon, disgusted and jeering as they went, and to each he would give the same silent, desperate plea: take me home, take me home, take me home. Will you take me home?

The carnie on the mic echoed his own mantra, drawing customers, over and over and over to lure the suckers out of their curiosity dollar.

...He's alive...

...He's real...


...He's Chang Ming...


...The Elephant-Skinned Dog...


Copyright (c) 2012 Patrick Riot

Friday, May 13, 2011

Soul Identity, by Dennis Batchelder

Title: Soul Identity
Author: Dennis Batchelder
Rating: 3/5 Riots
Format: Kindle
Price: Free

Plot Blurb: You can't take it with you...but what if you could?

Most people believe their souls outlive their bodies. Most people would find an organization that tracks their souls into the future and passes on their banked money and memories compelling.

Scott Waverly isn't like most people. He spends his days finding and fixing computer security holes. And Scott is skeptical of his new client's claim that they have been calculating and tracking soul identities for almost twenty-six hundred years.

Are they running a freaky cult? Or a sophisticated con job?

Scott needs to save Soul Identity from an insider attack. Along the way, he discovers the importance of the bridges connecting people's lives.

Review: This was one of the first works that I picked up from Amazon, most notably because it was one of the few freebies of modern fiction that I could find at the time. For the price, I have to admit to not being disappointed by Soul Identity, however as a whole it's just... Meh.

For the most part the protagonist (Scott Waverly) moves through the story like a greased-up technophilic superman. He has no flaws. Many chapters end with his getting his Input/Output on with a hot-nerd Russian programmer named Val. He's always one or two steps ahead of the villain. Scott smacks of Mary-Sue because of these things. The only thing he doesn't seem to know about is the 2600-year-old conspiracy that everyone else seems to know about.

Some of the characters, beyond the protagonist, seem a tad cardboard. We do not meet the villain until the end so he seems rather one-dimensional. He's cool and collected when we first meet him, but he quickly turns into Snidely Whiplash by the end. Another character that is totally unbelievable is Bob, a Soul Identity errand boy. He switches his entire world-view in under two days, using the excuse that he's "grown" a lot during that time. Bullshit. World-views tend to be set pretty solid without some sort of soul-shattering event that makes one question that world-view.

The plot does not feel organic; it feels scripted, almost too convenient. We move from event to event without any real feeling of complication. Obstacles that are put before the protagonists are torn down like paper. For example, toward the end Scott and Val are thrown off of the Soul Identity campus and ordered not to return, however, Scott socially engineers his way back in via the guy who threw them out in the first place. Too convenient... Too scripted. Thus, reading Soul Identity feels like reading source code instead of a book:

10 print "Here is a supposed complication."
20 x = plot_complication_solution
30 if scott = x then print "Scott wins!"; goto 10
40 if val = x then print "Val Wins!"; goto 10
50 print "*** Error *** We should never reach line 50."

Beyond these issues, the book was "fun" and mildly entertaining, and even humorous in some spots. I would encourage Batchelder to continue writing and honing his craft, but I doubt that I'm personally going to shell out 3 bucks for the sequel to this novel. You might feel differently, so give it a shot, at least.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Cleopatra, by Henry Rider Haggard

Title: Cleopatra
Author: Henry Rider Haggard
Rating: 4/5 Riots
Format: Kindle

Price: Free
 


Plot Blurb: Originally published in 1889, Cleopatra is the story of Harmachis, a Pharaoh of Egyptian lineage secretly conspiring against the manipulative, petulant and beautiful Cleopatra, the last of the Egyptian Pharaohs. The priests prepare Harmachis for his destiny: assassinate the Greek pretender Cleopatra and seize the throne for the glory of Egypt, but can Harmachis resist the seductive machinations of his enemy?

Review: This is a thoroughly entertaining romp through the dusk of Ancient Egypt as seen through the eyes of Harmachis, the real Pharaoh in a Kingdom that is being drained of her riches by the extravagant Cleopatra. The plot is a solid one, and it is an interesting twist on the well-known Mark Antony and Cleopatra love story.

Haggard is quite good at his craft. The emotion is well-conveyed and Harmachis is a wholly sympathetic character. When he falls in love with Cleopatra, we do as well. When she betrays him, that knife cuts us just as deep.

Where Haggard really shows his literary chops, however, is in the style of the language: the story is written as if it were translated from hieroglyphics that were pulled from a dusty papyrus scroll. This gives the story a feeling of authenticity that I found enjoyable, but I will readily admit that this might not be everyone's cup of cesium.  Here's an excerpt:
I, Harmachis, who cast aside the opening flower of our hope, who turned from the glorious path, who forgot the voice of God in hearkening to the voice of woman.
Reminiscent of Budge!

As for formatting issues, the text seems a little crowded during chapter and section transitions as there are no blank lines, but it's nothing that can't be easily ignored. The rest of the formatting is pretty solid.